What's The Question

That’s The Picture You Want To Show? Really?

Yes, that's really me. Beard's a little bushy, but an accurate representation.

Confession time: I am on some online dating sites.

Sit down. Take a breath. It’s not as bad as it sounds. Really.

I haven’t subscribed to any of them, and not sure I ever will. I’ve “met” what seem to be some good folks on them, with some interesting conversations. Heck, my last relationship started online. This time around, it’s more to just find some people to communicate with in my area, and develop some friendships.

But that’s not what this post is about. No, this is about – What the hell were they thinking?

Look, I’m no bronzed Adonis. I’m in my mid-40’s, still trying to work off a gut that I let myself build, listening to my joints sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies every time I stand up. I shave my head because I got tired of looking like Bozo the Clown every morning when I got up. But I still think I’m a decent looking guy. And if I’m going to post a picture of myself on a dating site, I’m going for the ones that show me at my best.

Apparently, that sentiment isn’t shared by all.

Great first impression

Yes, that’s an actual picture for a dating profile.

Unless she’s a KISS fan trying to show off her Gene Simmons impression, this is not a good look.

But this isn’t the only one like it. There are many. Hundreds. Perhaps thousands. For some reason, these people are determined to post their absolute worst choice picture to attract a date.

Maybe they’re thinking that if they show their worst, then the potential dater will be pleasantly surprised when they meet in person. I’m thinking it may take a while to get the first one.

And of course, you can see that by the position of her right arm, it is in the classic “cellphone self-portrait” style. I’ve seen a few of these that have worked, but as a rule, taking a self-portrait with your cellphone at arm’s length is probably not going to deliver the best picture.

Now turn to the left...

Here’s another example of a bad choice for your picture. Keep in mind that many sites allow you to choose which picture will be your primary picture. This picture came from one of those sites.

The whole idea of being able to choose your primary photo is to allow you to put your best foot forward. Don’t think we got there with this one…

This is as close to a mugshot as it gets. All it’s missing is a name and prisoner number. The sad thing is, this is probably an attractive woman. When she smiles. And is in focus.

Instead, it looks like she’s waiting to get her one phone call.

Note the big drink...

Note to self: If fully one-third of someone’s profile pictures include a shot of them holding a half-consumed alcoholic beverage, and at least one appears to be served by the yard – this is probably going to be a bad choice.

One of the first things I look for is the pictures. Yes, it sounds shallow, but there has to be some physical attraction. But when you go to the pictures and they’re laden with scenes of booze-fueled abandon, you’re going to get a fairly strong idea of what the person’s interests are.

In this case, it looks like a bad version of the Thriller moves facilitated by entirely too much tequila in a really tall plastic container.

Hmmm....

Now, this next photo is of a whole different genre. This was not an unintentional choice. In fact, this person’s profile is titled “Now that I have your attention…”

But here’s the problem – the profile says something a little different. She is not “out to ‘catch’ a man, but would love to find someone willing to invest time and effort in knowing me.”

If she’s not out to catch one, she sure is throwing out a lot of bait.

My guess is that this gal, who seems to be nice enough, is going to attract the guy who is willing to invest enough time to get to know her, and her ample wares, the latter being the most likely target of his affections.

Take it from a guy – the ones who stopped solely because of this picture are usually not the ones you want getting to know you. Just sayin’….

But, I suppose if you’re gonna put it out there, it’s about as straightforward as it gets.

So look, if you’re gonna go with online dating, pick a good picture. Have a friend shoot one. Use one from a wedding you went to. Hell, go to a photo booth at the fair and spend a couple of bucks and get one. But stay away from the cellphones, and the drunken boozefests, and the mugshot and the overtly displayed busts unless that’s who you really want potential dates to see. If you don’t you could end up using a profile picture like this one:

Can You Live Without Passion?

Live With Passion - "Hot Passion" by Malu Green!

The last few days, I have really been searching for an answer to this question: Can You Live Without Passion?

It comes to me as I have examined my life over the past few years, and the lives of some of those around me. And what seems to be a recurring theme is that those who are happiest, those who seem to have the ‘perfect” life, the life others envy are those who live their lives with passion. Passion for what they do, for those they love, passion for life.

Conversely, those who seem to be the least happy are those whose lives are lacking passion. They don’t feel strongly about anything, or feel that no matter what they want, life just won’t deliver it, so why look forward to anything? They live in a constant fear that plans will change, dreams will be dashed, hopes shattered. And so, they live without passion.

From Dictionary.com

pas⋅sion

–noun

1.	any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.

2.	strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.

3.	strong sexual desire; lust.

4.	an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.

5.	a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.

6.	a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.

7.	the object of such a fondness or desire: Accuracy became a passion with him.

8.	an outburst of strong emotion or feeling: He suddenly broke into a passion of bitter words.

9.	violent anger.

10.	the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, esp. something alien to one’s nature or one’s customary behavior (contrasted with action ).

11.	(often initial capital letter) Theology. a. the sufferings of Christ on the cross or His sufferings subsequent to the Last Supper. b. the narrative of Christ’s sufferings as recorded in the Gospels.

12.	Archaic. the sufferings of a martyr.

So many of these involve the physical manifestation, the lustful countenance of passion. But of real interest to me is the very first definition: any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling.

The “compelling aspect” is what I really identify with as passion. The desire – almost a need – to do something, to achieve something that can burn like a fire within you. That is the definition of passion that I connect with. For me, it’s those things that I can lose myself in, forgetting about time and other distractions. It’s those things that I do that I can do all day, and want to do more.

Which brings me back to the original question – Can you live without passion?

The obvious answer is “yes”. Many people do. But why would you want to? Is there really nothing that fires these folks up? Nothing that gets them excited?

For many of these people, the fear of rejection, failure, and disappointment keeps them from following a passion. Sure, there are sometimes logistical reasons for their lack of action – there are bills to pay, mouths to feed. But if you feel a passion for something, these are simply speed bumps, obstacles to be overcome, not roadblocks stopping you from achieving. No, for many the real obstacle is themselves.

Where do you fit in? Do you have a passion for something? Or are you struggling to find what it is that drives you? Maybe you’re one of the folks who can’t get past the fear. Here are some ideas on how you can find that inner drive:

That Silly Grin: Think about those things that just get you to crack a smile. What are those simple things that brighten your mood just thinking about them. In those things is the seed of your passion. You can’t be passionate about something that makes you unhappy.

Invincible: Even those of us who have run into mountains of adversity have something that makes them feel powerful, invincible. These are the kinds of things that you know you have mastered, and at which you can’t be beaten. Look for those things in your life. You have mastered then because you enjoy them. Again, you’ve found another clue to your passion.

Your Muse: What is it that fires up the creative force within you? What is the thing that gets your brain fired up, that once you get started you can’t stop? This is a very powerful clue on the path to finding your passion. That creativity comes from a genuine desire. It’s very hard to think creatively when you hate doing something. But when you love to do it, the ideas flow.

What’s On Your Bucket List?: What things have you always wanted to do, or to try? What are the things you would regret not having tried? These things are also signals as to what might be your passion. The real question is – why haven’t you tried them? By working on those things, even if you start with the smallest, you start to find the ones that really matter to you. Those things eill help you define your passion.

It’s A Snap: Are there things that you do that just seem easy, while others can’t seem to get it? Those things are likely things you are passionate about – you just haven’t looked at them that way. The easier things come to you, the more likely that they are things that make you happy, that drive you. How can you do more of those things, and less of the things that you dislike? This is a key question to ask yourself, and to get you on the road to living passionately.

Chatterbox: Do you find there are things that you can talk about forever? Sports, movies, basket weaving? The topic doesn’t matter – the fact that you really enjoy talking about it does. Again, we don’t talk about things we don’t like, unless we want to complain. Look for those things you are more than happy to yap about, and you’re likely to discover something you’re passionate about.

“Shoot, I’d play for nothing’”: It’s a great line in the movie “Field of Dreams”. Shoeless Joe Jackson talks about playing baseball.

Shoeless Joe Jackson: Man, I did love this game. I’d have played for food money. It was the game… The sounds, the smells. Did you ever hold a ball or a glove to your face?
Ray Kinsella: Yeah.
Shoeless Joe Jackson: I used to love travelling on the trains from town to town. The hotels… brass spittoons in the lobbies, brass beds in the rooms. It was the crowd, rising to their feet when the ball was hit deep. Shoot, I’d play for nothing!

This is passion. It’s not about how much you’d make, what lifestyle it provides. It’s about what drives you. It’s about those things you’d do even if there were no money involved. Try this little exercise: If money were no object, if you had no worries about paying bills, what would you be doing right now?. What would you jump off the couch or out of your chair and go do right this minute? That, dear reader, is likely your passion. When all obstacles are removed, what would you do? Now, remove the obstacles. Push them aside. Find the way to get there. You’ll be amazed what your life can be!